Are you getting frustrated every softball season, losing to the same team, with all the big sluggers, year in and year out?
Are you tired of always getting beat 6-0, 6-0, 6-0 by that arrogant tennis playing friend of yours, with the killer serve?
Have you had enough of that annoying golf buddy, who always shoots 4 or 5 strokes lower than you?
Just plain tired of ALWAYS losing to someone better than you?

NO PROBLEM!

Let US to the dirty work for you!

T O N Y A H A R D I N G C E N T E R
F O R O P P O N E N T N E U T R A L I Z A T I O N

That's right! For a small fee we can rough up, maim, dismember, paralyze, or even kill that person or persons who are blocking your path to athletic success.

--- Check Out Our Prices ---

Blow to one knee..............................................$ 99.95
Blow to both knees (a better buy)....................$149.95
Blow to the head..............................................$124.95
Knife in the back (tennis players only).............$ 49.95
Kick in the groin (male athletes only)................$ 9.95
Poke out one eye...............................................$ 49.95
Poke out both eyes (Three Stooges fashion).....$ 79.95
Gun shot to the knee........................................$199.95
Gun shot to both knees....................................$299.95
Gun shot to the head........................................$499.95
Public impalement............................................$999.95

Remember: WEDNESDAYS are Bonus Days. Order one act of violence and receive the second at 50% off.

With every order over $300.00 you automatically receive a collapsible hard-plastic baton personally signed by Tonya Harding HERSELF --- just like the one used to bear the crap out of Nancy Kerrigan.

Order now and receive absolutely FREE the Lorena Bobbitt Home Castration Kit. Sex crazed husband not included.