GHOST SHIT: That is the kind where you feel the shit come out, have shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.

CLEAN-GET-AWAY-SHIT: The kind where you shit it out, see it in the toilet but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET SHIT: The kind where you wipe your ass 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your ass and your underwear so you don't ruin them with skid marks.

SECOND-WIND-SHIT: It happens when you're done SHITTING, you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and then you realize you have to shit some more.

BRAIN-HEMORRHAGE-THRU-YOUR-NOSE-SHIT: The kind where you strain so much to get it out that you practically have a stroke.

RICHARD SIMMONS SHIT: Shit so much that you lose 30 pounds.

CORN SHIT: No explanation needed.

LINCOLN LOG SHIT: Shit that is so huge that you're afraid to flush the toilet without breaking the shit into a few pieces first with your toilet brush.

DRINKER'S SHIT: The kind of shit you have after a long night of drinking. It's most notable part is the skid marks left in the toilet bowl.

BLOWOUT SHIT: Preceded by a fart so dynamic that you check the toilet bowl for cracks.

WISH-I-COULD-SHIT SHIT: When you want to shit, but all you do is sit on the toilet, cramped, and farting a few times.

KLINGON SHIT: When you go to wipe and it's still there, waiting.

SPINAL TAP SHIT: This is the kind that hurts so much you would swear it's coming out sideways.

POWER DUMP SHIT: The kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your ass gets splashed with toilet water.

EXORCIST SHIT: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your ass, splatters all over the inside of the toilet, and burns your tender anus the whole time.

MEXICAN FOOD SHIT: Defies real description, must be experienced.

PEEK-A-BOO SHIT: Shit that comes out half-way and then goes back in, comes out half-way, and goes back in.