THE HUNT

1:00 AM - Alarm clock rings
2:00 AM - Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
3:00 AM - Throw everything but the kitchen sink in the pickup
3:15 AM - Drive back home for gun
3:30 AM - Drive like hell to get back before daylight
4:00 AM - Set up camp-(Forgot the damn tent)
4:30 AM - Head into woods
6:05 AM - See 8 deer
6:06 AM - Take aim & squeeze trigger-("Click")
6:07 AM - Load gun while watching deer go over hill
8:00 AM - Head back to camp
9:00 AM - Still looking for camp
10:00 AM - Realize you don't know where camp is
NOON - Fire gun for help-eat wild berries
12:15 PM - Ran out of bullets-8 deer came back
12:20 PM - Strange feeling in Stomach
12:30 PM - Realize you ate poison berries
12:45 PM - Rescued
12:55 PM - Rushed to hospital to get stomach pumped
3:00 PM - Arrive back at camp
3:30 PM - Leave camp to kill deer
4:00 PM - Return to camp for bullets
4:01 PM - Load gun-Leave camp again
5:00 PM - Empty gun at squirrel that's bugging you
6:00 PM - Arrive at camp, see deer grazing in camp
6:01 PM - Load gun
6:02 PM - Fire gun
6:03 PM - One dead pickup truck
6:05 PM - Partner returns to camp dragging deer
6:06 PM - Repress strong desire to shoot partner
6:07 PM - Fall into fire
6:10 PM - Change clothes, throw burnt ones into fire
6:15 PM - Take pickup, leave partner & his deer in woods
6:25 PM - Pickup boils over-hole shot in block
6:26 PM - Start walking
6:30 PM - Stumble & fall, drop gun in the mud
6:35 PM - Meet bear, take aim
6:36 PM - Fire gun, barrel blows up-plugged with mud
6:37 PM - SHIT PANTS
6:38 PM - Climb tree
9:00 PM - Bear leaves, wrap gun around tree
Midnight - Home at last
Next Day - Watch football on TV, slowly tearing hunting license into little pieces, place in envelope, and mail to game warden with very clear instructions on where to place it.