A HACKER'S CHRISTMAS STORY

'Twas the night before Christmas and inside the house,
The Hacker was playing, with his keyboard and mouse.
He worked with such stealth, such caution and care,
At cracking and stealing expensive software.
 

He sat all alone, as he did every night,
Just trying and trying till getting it right.
The room was all dark, except for the glow,
that came from the screen and the ashtray below.
 

When out on the street, he hear a tire squeal,
He sprang from his chair to see what was the deal.
Away to the window the hacker he flew,
To see if the asshole was someone he knew.
 

The moon on the trash cans down there in the alley,
Made it look like some strange and alien valley.
When, what did he see, past the very last can,
But a sinister looking, big black sedan.
 

With five men getting out and turning their heads,
He knew in an instant, they must be the Feds!
More rapid than eagles, their trench-coats they came,
And the leader took count as he called them by name:
 

"Yo, Rambo! Yo Nixon! Yo Smithy and Wesson!
Lets bust that Hacker, lets teach him a lesson!
Now, I've got the warrant, and you've got the guns,
We have to get in there before the dude runs!"
 

Just then the wind howled and built to a roar.
When the Hacker looked back, they were inside the door.
He glanced at the fire-escape, his heart filled with dread,
But he knew that by running, he'd end up quite dead.
 

And then in a twinkling, he heard in the hall,
The sound of the G-men, as they stood by the wall.
As he drew in his head, and was turning around,
In through the door the men came with a bound.
 

They were all dressed in suits, three pieces with ties,
And they each had sadistic looks in their eyes.
The man in the front had a warrant to carry,
And he shouted his name, it was Callahan, Harry.
 

They told him, "Don't move", they warned him to freeze,
"If you so much as twitch, we'll shoot off your knees!"
One man reached over and flipped on the lights,
He didn't even breathe as they read him his rights.
 

They told him, "Move slowly, away from the door."
And then made him lay, face-down on the floor.
With a knee in his back, the cuffs were applied,
"Oh shit that hurts!" he instinctively cried.
 

He was yanked to his feet, then pushed to the ground,
And then just for kicks, they spun him around.
Finally he sat, and was resting his head,
for the poor Hacker's noggin felt full of hot lead.
 

The men spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,
They pulled out his hard-drive with one violent jerk.
They gathered him up and headed on out,
He would need a good lawyer, they told him, no doubt.
 

They piled in the car, that big black sedan,
And away they all flew, like the shit towards the fan.
But I heard him exclaim, as they hauled him to jail,
"The registered shareware should cover my bail!"