YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM ALABAMA WHEN . . .

1. You have spray painted your girlfriend’s name on an overpass
2. You consider a six pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment
3. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand
4. When someone asks to see your ID. And you show them your belt buckle
5. Your junior and senior prom had a day care
6. Your mother does not remove her Marlboro Light from her lips before telling the state patrolman to kiss her ass
7. Have you ever used lard in bed ?
8. The primary color of your car is bondo
9. The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road"
10. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains
11. Your kids go hungry tonight because you just had to have the Yosemite Sam mud flaps
12. You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income
13. You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle
14. Jack Daniel’s makes your list of "most admired" people
15. Your wife's hairdo has been ruined by a ceiling fan
16. You see no need to stop at a rest stop because you have an empty milk jug in the car
17. You have a rag for a gas cap
18. Your dog can't watch your cat without gagging
19. You have a hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car
20. You BBQ spam
21. You have to scratch your sister's name out of the message "for a good time call___________"
22. Your brother-in-law is also your uncle
23. Redman chewing tobacco sends you a Christmas card
24. You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work
25. Your dad walks you to school because you both are in the same grade
26. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive
27. You view the up-coming family reunion as a chance to meet girls
28. You prominently display the gifts you got at Graceland
29. Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does
30. Your front porch falls in and kills more than three dogs
31. You have started a petition to change the national anthem to "Nothing Could be Finer Than to be in Carolina"
32. You call the boss "dude"
33. You think Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy
34. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it
35. You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance
36. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the "House of Tattoo"
37. Your father encouraged you to quit school because Larry had an opening on the lube rack
38. You need an estimate from the barber before you get a haircut
39. After making love you ask your date to roll down the window
40. Your family tree doesn't fork