Blonde
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  1. Q: How do you know when a blonde has used your computer?

    A: There's white-out on the monitor screen.

  2. Q: Why does a blonde wash her hair in the sink?

    A: Because that's where you're SUPPOSED to wash the vegetables!

  3. Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after having sex?

    A: She opens the car door!

  4. Q: Why do blondes wear woolen panties?

    A: So they can keep their ankles warm!

  5. Q: Who knows what a blonde looks like naked?

    A: Everybody!

  6. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?

    A: You can unscrew a light bulb!

  7. Q: What is a blonde's mating call?

    A: "Ohhhh, I feel so drunk!" (emphasis on "feel")

  8. Q: What does one call a circle of blondes?

    A: A dope ring!

  9. Q: What is the definition of a Red Head?

    A: A blonde with brains!

  10. Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?

    A: 12. 1 to make the batter, 11 to peel the M&Ms.

  11. Q: How do you put a twinkle in a blonde's eye?

    A: Shine a flashlight in her ear.

  12. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF written on the insoles of their shoes?

    A: As a reminder that, "Toes Go In First!"

  13. Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?

    A: To see what was on the other side!

  14. Q: What does a blonde do when she wakes up?

    A: She goes home!

  15. Q: After an Anacin poll in New York with blondes, how many of them preferred staying with Anacin?

    A: 10% said "Yes", while the other 90% couldn't get the cap off!

  16. Q: How does a blonde try to kill a fish?

    A: She drowns it!

  17. Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head?

    A: "All you can eat for under a buck!"

  18. Q: Why don't blondes make Kool-Aid?

    A: They can't fit all that water in that tiny packet!

  19. Q: Why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?

    A: She threw out all the ones printed with W&W!

  20. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?

    A: Artificial intelligence.

  21. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?

    A: Because red means stop.

  22. Q: What do blondes and a bottle of beer have in common?

    A: They're both empty from the neck up.

  23. Q: What do blondes and computers have in common?

    A: You don't appreciate them until they go down on you.

  24. Q: What do blondes say after sex?

    A: "Are all you guys on the same team?"

  25. Q: What does an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common?

    A: You always hear about them, but you never see one.

  26. Q: Why do blondes wear loop earrings?

    A: They need something to rest their ankles on.

  27. Q: If a blonde and a brunette were to jump out of a plane, which would land first?

    A: The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop first and ask for directions!

  28. Q: What is the similarity between a blonde and a screen door?

    A: The harder you slam them, the looser they get!

  29. Q: What does a blonde say when a guy blows in her ear?

    A: "Thanks for the refill!"

  30. Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on a Monday?

    A: Tell her a joke on Friday!

  31. Q: What do you call 12 blondes in a freezer?

    A: Frosted flakes!

  32. Q: What did the blonde say when the gynecologist told her she had acute vaginitis?

    A: "Thanks Doc, you're not so bad looking yourself".

  33. Q: How do you drown a blonde?

    A: Put a Scratch-And-Sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

  34. Q: Why do blondes have shoulder pads in their shirts?

    A: (Bobbing head from left to right, reply...) I don't know...

  35. Q: Why do blondes have "poofy" hair?

    A: To catch all the jokes that go over their heads.

  36. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

    A: Gifted!

  37. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?

    A: You can park in the handicap zone.

  38. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?

    A: It takes too long to retrain them.

  39. Q: What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes?

    A: An interpreter.

  40. Q: What do you call ten blondes lined up in a row?

    A: A wind tunnel.

  41. Q: How do you make a blonde crazy?

    A: Stick her in a round room and tell her jewelry is hidden in the corner.

  42. Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?

    A: They don't know the recipe.

  43. Q: What do blondes and turtles have in common.

    A: Flip 'em on their backs and their screwed.

  44. Q: How do you tell when a blonde is stressed?

    A: Her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her damn pencil.

  45. Q: Why do blondes eat so much salad?

    A: They eat like rabbits, too

  46. Q: Why can't blondes get drivers licenses?

    A: They can't reach the pedals from the back seat.

  47. Q: What do a bleached blonde and a 747 have in common?

    A: They both have a little black box!

  48. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?

    A: Not everyone has ridden a 747!

  49. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?

    A: They get their heads stuck in the jar!

  50. Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant?

    A: Blow in her ear!

  51. Q: What do you call a pimple on a blonde's butt?

    A: A brain tumor!

  52. Q: How do you murder a blonde?

    A: Put spikes in her shoulder pads!

  53. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?

    A: A "whine" cellar!

  54. Q: What does a smart blonde and a dinosaur have in common?

    A: They're both extinct!

  55. Q: What's the difference between Big Foot and a smart blonde?

    A: At least there are claims Big Foot has been seen!

  56. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: One -- She holds the light bulb and the world revolves around her!

  57. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been baking chocolate chip cookies?

    A: By the M&M shells on the counter top!

  58. Q: How do you keep blondes busy for a week?

    A: Hand her a box of M&Ms and have her alphabetize them!

  59. Q: Why do blondes wear their bangs combed upwards?

    A: To keep everything from going over their heads!

  60. Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?

    A: She's trying to hold onto a thought!

  61. Q: How do you drown a blonde?

    A: Put a mirror on the bottom of the pool!

  62. Q: What's the mating call of a brunette?

    A: Are the blondes gone yet?

  63. Q: What do you call six blondes at the bottom of a pool?

    A: An air pocket!

  64. Q: What do you say to a blonde to convince her to make love to you?

    A: Have another beer!

  65. Q: What do blondes and cow pies have in common?

    A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up!

  66. Q: What does a blonde do first thing in the morning?

    A: Introduces herself and goes home!

  67. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?

    A: Her ankles!

  68. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering?

    A: More head room!

  69. Q: Why do blondes have square breasts?

    A: They forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box!

  70. Q: What does a blonde say after her doctor tells her she's pregnant?

    A: Is it mine?!

  71. Q: How can you tell how hard a blonde is concentrating?

    A: By the size of the drool puddle on the floor!

  72. Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?

    A: 144 blondes!

  73. Q: What do you call a blonde at the library?

    A: Lost!

  74. Q: Why did the blonde have 17 friends accompany her to the movies?

    A: The sign said: "Under 18 not admitted."!

  75. Q: Why was the blonde ecstatic after finishing the jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?

    A: Because the box said: "3 Years and above."!

  76. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?

    A: Step on her douche bag!

  77. Q: What does XXX stand for?

    A: 3 Blondes co-signing a note!

  78. Q: What's the first thing a Blonde does when she gets out of the shower?

    A: Take off her clothes!

  79. Q: Why do blondes tattoo their postal code under their belly button?

    A: So they can get the male to the right box!

  80. Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?

    A: They can't learn the route.

  81. Q: Why don't blonde's like to breast feed?

    A: They don't like putting their nipples in boiling water!

  82. Q: How do you drive a Blonde crazy?

    A: Hide her hair brush!

  83. Q: What do you call a blonde in leather jacket?

    A: A rebel without a clue!

  84. Q: Why Did The Blonde Have Bruises around Her Navel?

    A: Her boyfriend was blonde too!

  85. Q: What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?

    A: Oh look! Doughnut seeds!

  86. Q: What did the blonde's mom say before she left for a date?

    A: If your not in bed by 10, come home!!!!

  87. Q: How do you change a blondes mind?

    A: Blow in her ear!

  88. Q: What goes "VROOOM SCREECH! VROOOM SCREECH! VROOOM SCREECH!"?

    A: A blonde at a flashing red light!

  89. Q: Why can't blondes use birth control pills?

    A: They keep falling out.

  90. Q: What happened to the Blonde terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?

    A: She burned her lips on the exhaust pipe.

  91. Q: How does a blonde hemophiliac cure herself?

    A: With acupuncture!

  92. Q: Why does a blonde eat beans on Saturday?

    A: So she can take a bubble bath on Sunday!

  93. Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?

    A: She didn't know where to buy left guard!

  94. Q: How can you tell when you're in bed with a blonde man???

    A: It's not hard!

  95. Q: What's another name for virgin blonde?

    A: Crib Death!

  96. Q: What do you call a blond driving a car?

    A: An Air Bag

  97. Q: Did you hear about the blonde girl who thought her typewriter was pregnant?

    A: Seems it was skipping periods!

  98. Q: What's common between a blonde and an airplane?

    A: The Black Box ALWAYS tells the truth!

  99. Q: What did the blonde say when the job interviewer asked her to spell her name?

    A: "H-E-R N-A-M-E."

  100. Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A. 100 -- 1 to screw it in and 99 to say I can do that!

  101. Q: If there was a hundred dollar bill on the ground and there were: 1) Santa Claus, 2) a dumb blonde, 3) the Easter Bunny, and 4) a smart blonde all standing there, who would pick up the $100 bill?

    A: 2. The dumb blonde. The rest are fictional characters.

  102. Q: Two blondes were lost in the wilderness and they came upon some tracks. The first blonde said: "Those look like deer tracks." The second blonde said: "No. They look like moose tracks." Who was right?

    A: They were still arguing when the train hit them!

  103. Q: Did you hear about the blonde car pool?

    A: They all meet at work.

  104. Q: Did you hear about the blonde bank teller?

    A: Someone brought in a toaster and she gave them $10,000.00.

  105. Q: After looking both ways, why was the blonde still hit by a car?

    A: She looked up and down.

  106. Q: Why did the blonde have bruises around her navel?

    A: Her boyfriend was blonde, too!

  107. Q: What did the blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios?

    A: Oh look! Doughnut seeds!

  108. Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?

    A: Blow in her ear!

  109. Q: What do you call 6 blondes in an elevator?

    A: Wind shear!

  110. Q: What did the blonde say when the doctor asked if she smoked after sex?

    A: "I don't know. I've never looked."

  111. Q: How do you make a blonde sit up and beg?

    A: Tell her you want to do it doggie style.

  112. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a carp?

    A: One's a dumb, scum sucking parasite and the other's a fish.

  113. Q: What do you call a blonde virgin?

    A: UGLY or LIAR!

  114. Q: Why do blondes drive VWs?

    A: Because it's the only car they can spell!

  115. Q: Why do blondes prefer cars with a sunroof?

    A: More leg room!

  116. Q: Why do blondes take the pill?

    A: So they know what day it is!

  117. Q: Why do blondes have clear lunch boxes?

    A: So they know if they're going to work or going home!

  118. Q: What did a blonde name her pet Zebra?

    A: Spot!

  119. Q: Why can't blondes be pharmacists?

    A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter!

  120. Q: How do you measure a blonde's IQ?

    A: With a tire gauge!

  121. Q: What is a blonde doing when she grasps at thin air?

    A: Collecting her thoughts!

  122. Q: Why are blondes too biased?

    A: Bias this, bias that ...

  123. A blonde went to California and saw a sign, "Clean rest room ahead." By the time she had reached the coast, she had cleaned 68 of them!
  124. Q: Why do blondes wear pony tails?

    A: To hide the valve stem!

  125. Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?

    A: She has a checkbook!

  126. Two blondes were driving to Disneyland when they saw a sign that said, "Disneyland Left" -- So they turned around and went home!
  127. A blonde ordered a pizza. The clerk asked how many pieces she wanted it sliced into, six or twelve. "Six," she said, "I could never eat 12."
  128. A blonde was pregnant for the second time so she asked her husband if they had to get married again.
  129. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?

    A: Tell her she is pregnant!

  130. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a brick?

    A: A brick only gets laid once!!

  131. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and Gorby?

    A: Gorby knows the last 9 men that screwed him!

  132. Q: Why are there no blonde computer programmers?

    A: They can't see the screen for all the white-out!

  133. Q: How do a blonde's brain cells die?

    A: Alone!

  134. Q: What do blondes have painted at the top of ladders?

    A: "STOP"!

  135. Q: What do you call the skeleton of a blonde found in a closet?

    A: The winner of a Hide and Seek game.

  136. Q: Why do blondes write TGIF on their bras?

    A: Tits Go In Front!

  137. Q: How can you tell when a blonde has faxed you something?

    A: All you can see is the outside of the envelope.

  138. Q: Why do you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?

    A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday!

  139. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawn mower?

    A: The green "Welcome" mat is ripped to shreds!

  140. Q: What can strike a blonde without her knowing it?

    A: A thought!

  141. Q: How does a blonde know when sex is over?

    A: The dome light comes on!

  142. Q: How does a blonde differ from the Titanic?

    A: We know how many men went down on the Titanic!

  143. Q: What do four blondes have in common?

    A: Nothing they can think of!

  144. Q: What's the best protection against rape?

    A: Dye your hair blond - no one rapes a blond!

  145. Q: What do blondes usually have against condoms?

    A: Their cheeks!

  146. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama canal?

    A: One is a busy ditch!

  147. Q: How do you keep a blonde busy?

    A: Take a piece of paper, write "OVER" on both sides and tell her to read the piece of paper.

  148. Q: What's the other difference between a blonde and a 747?

    A: 747's only go down once in a while!

  149. Q: How did the blonde break her arm raking leaves?

    A: She fell out of a tree!

  150. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?

    A: When you drop a brick, it doesn't follow you around for a week!

  151. Q: Why didn't the blonde prostitute vote?

    A: She hadn't slept with the candidates yet!

  152. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on the newspaper?

    A: So she could lip read.

  153. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?

    A: Data transfer.

  154. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?

    A: A mental block.

  155. Q: How can you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?

    A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

  156. Q: What do you call 3 blondes standing on their heads?

    A: Brunettes.

  157. Did you hear about the blonde who had a hysterectomy so she'd stop having grandchildren?
  158. Did you hear about the blonde who was two hours late getting home because the escalator got stuck?
  159. Did you hear about the blonde who thought a sanitary belt was a drink from a clean glass?
  160. Did you hear about the blonde housewife who was mad at her husband because he was out shooting craps and she didn't know how to cook them?
  161. Did you hear about the pregnant blonde who went to the grocery store because she heard they had free delivery.
  162. Did you hear about the blonde who lost 99% of her brains when her husband died?
  163. Did you hear about the blonde that thinks Manual Labor is a guy she hasn't been in bed with yet?
  164. Did you hear about the blonde proofreader at the candy factory who separates the M&Ms from the W&Ws?

 

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