Home Up


Msg Base: BOARD 1 AREA 1 - System News/User Help/General Discussion
Msg No: 106. Tuesday, Jan 16, 1996 22:47 (NO KILL)
From: Daryl Stout
To: All
Subject: If OSs where Beers...

This message was from DAVE LIQUORICE to ALL originally in conference OS Development on THUNDER (The Thunderbolt BBS) and was forwarded to you by DARYL STOUT


Shamefully stolen from the back of Dec 1995 Personal Computer World.

DOS Beer

Requires you to use your own can opener and that you read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8 oz can, but now comes in a 16 oz can. The can is divided into eight compartments of 2 oz each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.

Mac Beer

At first only in a 16 oz can, but now comes in a 32 oz can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trash can.

Windows 3.1 Beer

The worlds most popular beer. Comes in a 16 oz can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but really you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for no apparent reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.

OS/2 Beer

Comes in a 32 oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that the cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacture (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.

Windows 95 Beer

Only just out, Windows 95 Beer looks a lot like Mac Beer but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32 oz cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS Beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.

Windows NT Beer

Comes in 32 oz cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3.1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's. Touted as "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.